Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences so openly. It sounds like you've been reflecting on your feelings and past experiences, which is a very important step toward understanding yourself better.
From what you've described, it seems you're questioning whether your sexual orientation or feelings are considered "sick" or "abnormal," and you're also concerned about how past events, like early relationships and difficult experiences, might have affected your emotional well-being.
Could you tell me more about how these questions and experiences are affecting you now? For example, do you feel distress or confusion about your feelings? Or are there specific situations that make you want to understand yourself better or find peace with who you are?
Understanding your feelings and experiences in a compassionate way can be very helpful. Remember, sexual orientation is a natural part of human diversity, and many people go through complex feelings and experiences as they explore their identity. It’s okay to seek support in understanding yourself better—whether through talking to someone like me or other supportive resources.
Would you like to share more about what you're hoping for in terms of support or understanding?